I am running, spinning in circles---
I am an endless loop.
I spend all my off time working, cleaning, organizing and actually fixing nothing. I look around me and I am worse off than before i attempted anything. Everything surrounding me appears to be half-assed or worse. I cannot fix it. I spend two days cutting the grass---- it immediately grows back into the usual disheveled condition. Work--work is an impossible tasking.
A recurring dream I have had for years is walking in a city attempting to get back to a location I am familar with. In this dream no matter how hard i try, no matter how perfect I walk the landmarks back---i am lost...the location is no longer there? I can't find it.... Sometimes it is an area of the city, sometimes a room in a huge hotel...no matter the setting the circumstance is always the same---i can never get to where i need to be no matter how perfect i attempt to make the process of getting there.
This is the result of life for weeks now---nothing....it must be wrong to want results....
I have lost all hope for us. I am feel bombarded on all sides by birthers, teabaggers, Palin supporters, right wing shoutdowners at town hall meetings, Holly Rollers, Fox news, incredibly stupid, conservative co-workers who consider everything bad that has happened to this country to be Obama's fault and if not his fault then it was Clinton's fault. Convieniently f course, forgetting Bush the second....The joys of a possible new world, a new us, that I felt on election night are gone--just gone, dissolved by the acid spewed by the others....I am tired, so tired of hearing them, tired of their same old garbage-- unable to escape them by running in any direction...they want but they refuse to give, they demand but they refuse to be demanded of-----their morals, their religion, their belief is the right way---and if you do not comply then social and mental banishment for you. I am tired of them and tired of this...no matter what is done--cash for clunkers, adjusting mortgages,research funding, bail-outs, tax, immigration and health care reform----to them it can all be damned---- to these people nothing should be attempted and if attempted by others nothing can be done right....of course on the same hand......they are unwilling or too stupid to even consider the attempt.
I am done with us---the American public-----finished....I now walk amongst us but am not one of us---all of you out there that are like this are no longer my tribe...