Saturday, July 14, 2007

i've been desperately hiding from people the past 5 days--emotionally, and communicatively---i cannot help this for apparently

i am legend........

The world has been socially chasing, pursuing me. i cannot mentally stand that--the all encompassing they, they reach out and pluck at me constantly, they grasp at me, they demand---it's all for what they believe to be, nice reasons--they want to socialize--they want to share--to communicate--- to hang out--i can't stand it---i feel like robert neville in the novel "i am legend" (the movie, Omega man, for those of you who do not read) existing in a world populated only by plague vampires and neville, the one last remaining human which the plague vampires must destroy. In a near perfect parallel to this fictional character neville and i are both surrounded by those wishing to transform us--- my emotional vampires are seemingly drawn to me--wanting me-- neville and i both have only one truly, secure place, a fortified home----but still--they cry out,-- on the phone, they bang on the door----demanding, calling as they do to neville every night in the book--"come out neville---come out"--their desire is to consume, change me--absorb me into what they desire me to be like---with no thought given to the fact that as much as they need to be with me, i need to be away from THEM---"come out neville, come out"---in Matheson's book--the difference between myself and the main character, neville, was that neville was desperate for companionship. Nearly driven insane from a lack of it---and therefore tries to 'cure'these plague vampires so that he could again have 'normal' human companionship in his life. This desperation allows the plague vampires to kill him----this is the ying to my yang--i am not--i would not be...desperate for others----i have a small emotional capability for being with people and this emotional stockpile is completely and utterly exhausted---There are 12 ignored calls on my cellphone as i write this "come out neville, come out" 6 unplayed messages on the house phone--"come out neville, come out" 18 messages in 2 days.

i am legend

1 comment:

Marie Johnson said...

Wow, Warren, I love your blog. Lots of cool stuff. I dig it man. Where do I begin? I love the Omega Man. Great movie. I love PD James. She is one of my favorite authors. I am also a fan of Elizabeth George. Too much to say and my fingers won't move fast enough. When Jo gets back I want you two to come to our house for cocktails. ( sort of cold war attire and drinks.)